eternal sunshine

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.


(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)


--


I've been on extremes these days - from creepy loneliness to a lot of laughs. When I'm alone, it makes me feel depressed. It's not just that I'm alone, but what makes me really sad is the reason why I am. When I'm with friends or talking to Bri on the phone, it makes me really happy. And I'm always grateful for the time I get to spend happy.


But what makes the roller coaster of emotions difficult is that it kind of instills another emotion, one that's constant - fear. I'm afraid when I'm lonely AND when I'm happy. When I'm lonely, I get scared of the thoughts I would think and the ugly emotions I would feel. When I'm happy, I'm afraid I'm not making full use of that moment, and I'm always fearful of what's to come cos I know that that moment's gonna end soon, and in a few minutes I'd be driving home or watching TV alone again.


I need to get off my butt and do what I can to shake it off. Now.